Episode 28: "Death to Telenobela" / Orphnoch Rampage (Part 1)

Some days have passed since the food poisoning incident at the ASEAN Summit. The people of Nueva Liga Filipina are more relaxed now, but they still don't let their guard down should anything bad happen.

January 26th. Sanzo is walking on a busy suburban area a few miles away from Balay Kapatiran. He is running a grocery errand for Hyacinth's parents and Kaede when he stumbles upon something catchy at the window of an electronics store.

"You are watching ABC-5. Iba tayo! Death to Telenobela!"



Sanzo: Hmm... Ano ba itong pakulo ng ABC-5? Hindi ko iyon malalaman kung hindi ko papanoorin, hindi ba?

And so the monk stops walking for a while to watch the channel.

Announcer: Mula sa bulwagang pambalitaan ng ABC-5, ito ang ABC Aksyon News kasama si Borgy Manotoc.
Borgy: Death to telenobela.
Announcer: At ang kanyang co-anchor, si Loren Legarda.
Loren: Ahh... pinapahintulot ng aking asawa na sabihin lang ang "death to telenobela".
Announcer: Ang lagay ng panahon kasama si Jun Lalin.
Jun Lalin: Ngayong weekend, magiging mainit to the max ang panahon. Heto, ibibigay ko sa iyo ang isa sa mga pampalamig: death to telenobela!
Announcer: Si Dean Nyakki para sa isports.
Dean Nyakki: Ibabalita ko ang nakaraang sagupaan nina Andrew Wolf at Cesar Montano sa Araneta Coliseum noong Huwebes. At saka, death to Judy Ann Santos.
Announcer: At panghuli, ang mga nakakalokang showbiz news mula kay Abu Tilamzik.
Abu Tilamzik: Samahan mo ako sa set ng pinakabagong teleserye nina Bea Alonzo at John Lloyd Cruz, ang "Clannad", na base sa isang popular na visual novel. Hehe. AND DEATH TO BEA ALONZO AND JOHN LLOYD CRUZ!
Announcer: At ngayon, si Borgy Manotoc.
Borgy: Magandang hapon, and death to Vina Morales. Ang ating headline ngayon: may protestang nagaganap ngayon sa harap ng embahada ng Amerika. Hindi lang ito isang ordinaryong protesta, dahil ang mga demonstrador ay may mga hawak na itim na notebook na kung tawagin ay "Death Note". Nagbabalita si Mike Kuliling. Death to telenobela.

Sanzo watches the rest of the program with suspicion.

Sanzo: Hay naku... ang daming tinatamaan ng iisang program lang. Siguradong sasakit ang ulo ni Laguardia na mas higit pa kay Rita Repulsa. Lipat muna ako sa ibang estasyon.

He then switches to another TV which is just next to the ABC-5 TV. That TV airs ABS-CBN 2, and it currently broadcasts a trailer of the aforementioned live-action adaptation of "Clannad" with Bea Alonzo as Tomoyo and John Lloyd Cruz as Sunohara, as well as other teen stars (mostly PBB and SCQ alumni) who take on the roles of the other characters.

Sanzo: Hmm... siguradong magiging maganda ang kalalabasan ng teleseryeng ito. Sasabihin ko nga ito kina Ayu, Misuzu at Revvie.

The monk then switches back to the ABC-5 TV.

Borgy: At panghuli, ang ating editoryal mula sa head honcho ng isatasyong pinaglilingkuran namin, si Tony Boy Cojuangco.
Tony Boy: Mga minamahal naming tagasubaybay, marahil ay nagtataka kayo kung bakit palagi ang sabi namin ng "death to telenobela". Ako nga rin, eh. Pero kung sinasambit namin iyon, ibig bang sabihin nito ay "death to Sineserye"? "Death to Telefantasya"? "Death to Koreanobela"? "Death to Mangaserye"? Ang simple sagot ay: secret. Kung gustong-gusto niyong malaman ang sagot, pumunta lamang sa aming istasyon at bahala kami sa inyo. Ito po ang inyong lingkod, Tony Boy Cojuangco.
Borgy: Ang editoryal na ito ay hindi palaging opinyon at saloobin ng buong istasyong ito. Ah, sandali lang. Dapat eh palagi. Kami ngayo'y nagpapaalam. Mula sa lahat ng bumubuo ng ABC Aksyon News, magandang hapon. And death to telenobela.

Sanzo is done watching the hate-filled newscast.

Sanzo: Tsk tsk tsk. Ang suspetsa ko doon ay... si DJ Mo ang utak ng "death to telenobela" campaign. Irereport ko iyon kina Sir Bitag at Sir Ogie pagkatapos ng pamimili ko ng grocery. Tutal, ayokong puputok ang tambutso ni Kaede, eh.

He then leaves the electronics store to continue his errand.

We now shift the scene to Balay Kapatiran.

At the huge living room of the stronghold, Sandara is downtrodden. Not even the mounds of books, magazines, games, and other time-killers can reverse her Good Friday-ish face.

Sandara: (cries) H... Hero... bakit mo iyon ginawa sa akin? Ang akala ko... wala nang kokontrol sa kanya...

Joseph approaches her and tries to cheer her up.

Joseph: Sandy, huwag mong masyadong dibdiban iyon. Malay mo, matatalo natin yung kumokontrol sa kanya.
Sandara: (faces Joseph while still crying) Eh ikaw! You failed to protect me, kaya nagkaganito! Huhuhu... Sana di ka na sumali sa Nueva Liga Filipina...
Joseph: Ugh...

With displeasure, Joseph leaves Sandy and approaches Doc Hattori and Boy to know why Sandara is in her current condition.

Meanwhile, at the Lopez Kingdom (the ELJCC, of course), Cristy raises concern over Hero's badmouthing in his interview with DJ Mo on her daily show on DZMM, "Showbiz Mismo".

Cristy: Noong January 10 pa ito nangyari, pero hanggang ngayon, tagos pa rin sa isipan ng nakararami ang interbyu ni DJ Mo Twister kay Hero Angeles. Kahit na nakipag-ayos na dati si Hero sa mga nakabangga niya, tulad ko, nakuha pa rin niyang dungisan uli ang pangalan ng mga iyon. Nakapagtataka talaga kung bakit niya ginawa iyon. (receives a text message) Oh, sabi dito sa text ng nagpakilalang si Tetsugaku-sha, "I suspect na minaniobra ni DJ Mo si Hero para sa sarili niyang kapakanan. Ito ay dahil parte si Hero ng Nueva Liga Filipina, na kinasusuklaman ni DJ Mo." (receives another text message) Ganoon din ang opinyon ng isang nagpapakilala namang si Evil Eye the Blocker. "DJ Mo will do anything to dismantle the Nueva Liga Filipina in order to conquer the Philippine showbiz industry."

Back to Balay Kapatiran. Mr. Tulfo is currently finding a way to break through DJ Mo's base at the offices of Magic 89.9, where Hero is confined.

Mr. Tulfo: Laser beams, armed guards and mechs, gate security protocols, hidden cameras... Talagang by-the-book ang istilo ni DJ Mo, ah. Kung gayon, eh...

He almost finds a solution until emergency signals dominate the control center.

Mr. Tulfo: Uh oh. Orphnoch rampage na naman. Pakitawag ang buong kawan natin.

The entire army then shows up in front of the chief strategist.

Mr. Tulfo: Everyone, panoorin ninyo ang nagyayari sa AMA Computer University Main Branch sa Project 8, Quezon City.

The screen shows La Greta and her grunts invading a seminar for married couples at AMACU.

La Greta: Para ito sa kerido kong si Tony Boy! Ahahaha! Die, you married couples!
Married couple: We are not pigs!
La Greta: Yes, you are; dahil kayo ay nasa ilalim ng isang sumpa na nagbabalatkayong isang santimonya! At para kayo makawala sa sumpang iyon, dapat kayong MAMATAY! Ahahaha!

La Greta then turns into the Prima Donna Orphnoch and kills the married couple with ease. Her grunts do the same. Not even the combined powers of the security guards, policemen, and soldiers can hold off her attacks.

Matthew Luke: Kasingbangis niya si Luca Blight.
Hyacinth: Agree ako diyan.
Mr. Tulfo: Well, ang game plan natin ay ito: we'll dispatch two separate parties: one to stop La Greta and another to free Hero, dahil na rin sa pakiusap nina Sandara at Joseph. Naka-develop na kasi ako ng isang plano para i-infiltrate ang opisina ng Magic 89.9, the place where Hero is currently confined. First, ide-deploy ko muna ang party na tutungo sa AMACU.

(Please form your first party, which will be named "The Resident AMA Party".)

Battle Members
1. Nikki
2. Shinn
3. Reverie
4. Angel
5. Setsumi
6. Mel

Entourage
1. Kazuma (Support Ability: Bread Gift -- enemies always drop Bread along with their normally dropped items)
2. Sir Gabby (Support Ability: Nagmamahal, Kapamilya -- all stats are slightly enhanced for ABS-CBN-affiliated characters)

Mr. Tulfo: Resident AMA Party, move out!

The first dispatched party is then sent directly to AMACU via Viki's no-sneeze teleportation.

Mr. Tulfo: Now for the second party, which will be dubbed the "Saving Private Angeles Party". Siyempre, hindi mawawala sina Matt at Hyacinth. Kasali rin dito sina Sandara at Joseph dahil sila ang closest kay Hero.
Sanzo: Sir Bitag, gusto ko ring sumali sa party nila.
Mr. Tulfo: Yes, you may. Hinding-hindi ako tatanggi.

(Please form your second party, which is named "Saving Private Angeles Party". Members indicated with an asterisk are required.)

Battle Members
1. Matthew Luke *
2. Hyacinth *
3. Sanzo *
4. Sandara *
5. Joseph *
6. Zenki

Entourage
1. Boy (Support Ability: Usap Tayo! -- lowers enemy encounter rate)
2. Sir Mike (Support Ability: Lapat-Tinig -- all stats are slightly enhanced for anime/non-anime characters who are/were dubbed by ABS-CBN's dubbers)

Sandara: (shedding tears of vigilance) Hero... ililigtas kita! Sarang hamida.
Joseph: Wala nang atrasan ito... Ililigpit ako ang mga lamat sa pagkakaibigan namin ni Hero!
Ogie: (as Gosh Abelgosh) Sige, tama na ang drama. Please move out!
Ogie's "Jupopayans": (popping out of nowhere) MOVE----- OUT~~~~~!!!
Matthew Luke & Hyacinth: (chuckling a little) Heading out!

The second dispatched party is then sent directly to the building of Magic 89.9 via Viki's no-sneeze teleportation... again.

Let's see how the two parties stop the Orphnoch menace in the next episode!

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Stars Introduced So Far

None